Čâm Ñēwtøñ Κ ßäčk Õñ Hïś ßūłłšhït

 

What you see above is Cam Newton's head superimposed on Lenny Kravitz's body when Kravitz wore a comically huge scarf that one time. Cam considers himself a fashion maven so I found this to be hilarious when I made it in 2016. 

ÄÜßÜRÑ ₽RØ DÄ¥ wē ÄČTÎVÄT£D‼️
3/21 ÄÜßÜRÑ, ÄŁ‼️😈#šhïñëTHRŪthëŠHÄDĒ#ñøtFØRłïkëšJŪŠTførŁÏFĒ
-1ØVĒ🤟🏾 pic.twitter.com/b3I1OiZCgK

— Cameron 1 Newton (@CameronNewton) March 20, 2023

Cam Newton released a new self-hype video yesterday teasing a comeback and showcase at Auburn's Pro Day today. His ability to be brazenly confident enough to take a dump on every other starting quarterback in the league at this point in his career arc is truly remarkable. This is a genius marketing move for Cam as it's been roughly 2 years since he's actually played, but time heals all wounds. Maybe not everyone remembers that he got benched and was asscheeks the last time he played live NFL tackle football. 

First, let's go back in time and take a walk down memory lane, shall we? Cam was THE SHIT for a long, long time. Coming into the league he was basically able to do whatever he wanted. He was bigger and faster than most linebackers with a rocket for an arm. From his 2011 rookie season up until 2017, he redefined what a quarterback was supposed to be able to do on the field. At 6'5" 250 lbs. he averaged 5.15 yards per carry over that span and put up gaudy numbers that very few other QBs have done. No two ways about it, Cam remains one of the most electric dual-threat NFL guys to ever step on the field and was the prototype for a new breed of quarterback. 

Alas, football is an unforgiving and relentless game. Eventually it took its toll on his body and nagging injuries lain dormant caught up. After spending the better part of 2018-2019 hurt, he was lost in the meat market and has struggled to find a steady landing spot ever since. In 2020, he signed with the Patriots on a one-year deal and performed admirably, but Bill Belichick doesn't like 7-8 seasons, so he got didn't make the cut. He then had a second go-round with the Panthers in 2021 following a Sam Darnold injury. This experiment really just lasted several weeks and didn't go exceedingly well. 

Spoiler: He was not back. 

He was re-signed in Week 10 and split reps with PJ Walker, primarily being used in a backup role. In his last true action as the Panthers' starting QB in Week 14, he had a passer rating of 5.8 and went 5-21 for 92 yards and 2 picks before he was finally, mercifully benched. He finished the year throwing for 684 yards, 4 TDs, and 5 INTs. 

No matter how many sweaty treadmill videos he releases, I can't be convinced. He's 33 with ten years of mileage and it's impossible not to lose a step or two at his age, especially with a year off. If he's still physically able to run the ball 100 times and average 4 yards a carry, maybe there's something there, but I don't see his passing holding up enough for that to matter. As fun as it'll be, I'm also not sure how he plans to prove anything from throwing at a college pro day. There aren't a ton of teams that are needy at QB, so the timing is weird unless he's gunning for a backup job somewhere, which it doesn't sound like he is. I hope someone takes a risk just so we can see more top-tier press conference outfits, but I don't see that being a financially sound investment. Unfortunately, it's not 2015 anymore, and the more videos he makes telling everyone he's back, the less back I feel like he is. 

Here are some of my favorite looks from Cam through the years. If he doesn't get signed somewhere, at least we'll have these to hold us over until his next comeback attempt: