Is This Bill Belichick Doing The Walk Of Shame Looking Like A Hung Over Mess On Doorbell Camera? Clax Investigates

 

First thing's first: Is this really Bill Belichick on a doorbell camera? Or just someone that looks resoundingly like Bill Belichick? 

If it is, we can move to the next pressing matters. What is he doing leaving this place quietly and why does he look to be in pain? This poster seems to think it's the "walk of shame" which is normally reserved for college freshmen. If this were the case, we're to assume his slow movement and stiff gait is due to little to no sleep and/or hours of laborious lovemaking. He's 71 years old, so if you think about it he might just be physically wrecked from the night before. Again, is this really Bill Belichick? Leader of men and 6-time Super Bowl winner? Let us investigate. 

First: Let's do a quick comparison of this mystery man's titties. This is a totally normal part of any investigation.   

Folks, we got a titty match.

Second: Now that we've matched those up, we can analyze the visual markers we're given. 

A large component of "the walk of shame" tends to be alcohol consumption. The indicators in this short 18-second video would be consistent with some degree of acute alcohol withdrawal. He's shirtless and disoriented. The hair's a mess and that first step outside is a challenge. The light of day is searing and painful. The dead giveaway is the subtle pause after closing the door, the shallow breath, and the empty stare out at nothing in particular as he gathers his courage for the long, arduous trip down the stairs. If this part of theory is true, even the smallest physical movement is an act of God. 

Third: What's the motive? Why would Bill Belichick be throwing back some cocktails and sleeping over at someone's house? Well, the rumblings around the internet are that if the Patriots lose in Germany this weekend, owner Bob Kraft might replace him. I don't believe that for a second, and the internet always likes to sensationalize, but those are the rumors flying around.    

After extensive research the verdict is in, and I'm choosing to believe that this is Bill Belichick leaving some lucky lady's house after a night "studying film", and I don't mean football. I don't subscribe to the #BenderBill stuff, I'm actually happy for him. He's finding love and companionship after a tough breakup. He's having a little fun as a young, successful, single head coach. Congrats to Bill on (we're still assuming) the sex. 

PS - What if it isn't Bill Belichick at all? What if it's just some guy in Nantucket that kinda looks like Bill Belichick emerging from his house with his tits out going to get the paper?  



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