No Context r/AITA Pt. 1

Welcome to a new series I'm workshopping called "No Context r/AITA" where we'll be highlighting some of the best threads from the subreddit "Am I The Asshole" or r/AITAH. This is a place that people seek out to ask anonymous strangers if they're wrong or out of line for their actions. Within this subreddit you may find some of the most unhinged, criminally insane humans telling their bizarre stories and seeking justification. If you're a fan of "people-watching" in crowded places you'll love this wretched little corner of the internet. Let's get started. 

1. HAIR BEAR.

AITA for giving my daughter a stuffed bear filled with human hair?
byu/hairbear_throwaway inAmItheAsshole

"Hairbear_throwaway" asks if he's the asshole for gifting his child a stuffed bear. This is a pretty benign title on the surface, but the layers are always important here. Getting a little deeper into this and... what the fuck? 

This got weird real quick when you find out that the bear is stuffed with human hair. I've heard of people saving a little tuft of hair from their kid's first haircut as a keepsake, but this sounds like they're just keeping trash bags of hair around the house for DECADES. That, my friends, is a bit much. I can respect upholding family traditions passed down through generations as much as the next guy, but this seems like one that could be comfortably, quietly euthanized. 

The people who typically respond in these threads are brutally honest and sometimes hilarious. The commenters were mostly sympathetic with his post and he was declared "NOT the asshole", but everyone still had questions. This comment pretty much sums this one up:

2.   

AITA for making my girlfriend leave the country?
byu/throwaway0123445 inAmItheAsshole

So lemme get this straight. This guy has been with his girlfriend for 5 years then HE OFFERS to sponsor her visa before it expires. They go through the process and fill out all the paperwork, then he decides he wants to call it off? After 5 years in a relationship with this guy, she has to leave the country because he wouldn't sponsor her, even though he's the one that offered it up in the first place. And he's wondering if he's an asshole for it? Perfection. Sometimes the title can be a little bait-y or misleading but then you get all the details and you realize that it wasn't, this person really is just that big of an asshole.  

The cherry on top of this one was when he listed the things about her that he'd miss the most, he led off with "her cooking". The commenters had a field day with this one. 

3. 

AITA for yelling at my wife after she blew up my phone with calls because of a fire?
byu/alphiotomas inAmItheAsshole

Yelling at your wife because she thought you might've died in a fire is a new one. She probably wishes you'd been engulfed in the flames after the way you reacted. 

The relief of finding out your husband is still alive just to be yelled at because his phone was ringing in his locker and he got in trouble like a fucking freshman in high school. Then to have this guy slither to this place online to try and justify it is so, so good. "Am I really an asshole for this?" Uhhh yeah, pal. This was a unanimous "you're the asshole", in case you were wondering.

4.  

AITA for eating too many cucumbers
by inAmItheAsshole

Imagine you're stopped at a red light and you see this gal whip a cucumber out of her purse and start in on it. It was widely decided that she was "not the asshole" but that it also wasn't overly normal to always stay strapped with multiple cucumbers in case you get hungry. The boyfriend calling it "deranged" is absolute gold and I think I agree with him. 

5. 

AITA for being mad my bf won't make noodles the way I like
byu/missmiles11 inAmItheAsshole

Ah yes, the rare and elusive "everyone sucks here" post. Here's the gist of this one: girl wants spaghetti but wants the tomato sauce mixed in with the noodles, then rinsed off. She only wants a smidgeon of the "tomato essence" on her noodles. Her boyfriend was making plain-ass noodles and she was eating them. She found out he wasn't PUTTING TOMATO SAUCE ON HER NOODLES THEN RINSING IT OFF so she got really upset. She didn't even know the difference until he told her, which makes her request even more psychotic. He made fun of her for doing it in the first place, rightfully so. Just an all-around nutso situation.

That's all for now from AITA, but there's plenty more where that came from. If you stumble across any good threads, please send them my way @Clax_TN on Twitter/X. We can compile these threads to make ourselves feel normal and bask in the craziness of other people together. After all, that's what the internet is for, right?