LIV Tour’s Opener May Be Postponed On Account Of Diarrhea

Golf.

But browner. 

Best original hashtag of 2024 so far. #GolfButBrowner. Who doesn’t love a good poop headline?

This isn’t the start to the LIV season that many envisioned, but here we are. Half the field down with food poisoning, season start in jeopardy. Maybe it gets postponed, maybe it doesn’t, one thing is for sure: it sounds one hell of a shitty situation. A shituation, even.

The first tee times are roughly 2 hours from now, and half the field may or may not be having #3 in their hotel rooms. 

I’ve never been to Mexico but I hear that drinking the water there can cause the contents of your intestines to liquify and erupt like Vesuvius herself. Surely the LIV tour was aware of this and has some bottled water for the lads. More realistically, for half the field to have the severe rotgut, it had to be a tainted batch at their group dinner last night. Let me just be the first to say “prayers up” for the brave soul(s) that wear white shorts today.  

I had zero plans to watch any of this tournament, but I do now. Maybe if we’re lucky we’ll see Bubba Watson run into the bushes and emerge sockless (socks can double as toilet paper, don’t ask). We might get guys throwing up on the course, just like one of my guy’s trips! Maybe Ian Poulter plays in a diaper, I DUNNO. What I do know is this has potential. 

UPDATE: That guy deleted the tweet and said everyone's feeling better. Shit. 

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