Zach Wilson Graduates From Soaking & Becomes MILF King of New York

It wasn't that long ago that draft analysts questioned Zach Wilson's street credentials on account of being Mormon. He looked like a kid lost in New York on draft night, like a more handsome Kevin McAllister with a much tighter spiral. This bathroom selfie from before the draft was especially cringeworthy and had some Jets fans feeling unsure about his dickheat (their words, not mine).


Dickheat: Confirmed. 

Jets fans can now cross that off their list of concerns after reports came out that newly single Zach Wilson has been accused by his ex-girlfriend of banging his own mother's best friend. The same ex-girlfriend is now dating Washington Commanders WR Dax Milne, who just so happens to be Wilson's former roommate at BYU.



I know that's a lot to take in, it's a very tangled web, but the underlying message remains the same: Zach Wilson is very much back and he's releasing years of abstinence on his opponents/hot moms. He went from being Steve Urkel to Stefan Urkell in the blink of an eye with this move. In addition to the NY Jets' robust draft haul, adding Day 1 difference-makers Garrett Wilson and Breece Hall, Zach Wilson makes an immediate jump up my QB rankings for 2022. 

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